Wednesday

  

Wednesday

     Mama is still not home so it has been five days now. I am starting to get really worried. Dad just seems weirdly calm and sort of unconcerned. It is really quiet around here with no Mama and no Joe. I am going to have to do something soon. I can’t stand not knowing where she is. The teachers in the BASES room at school keep asking me if I am okay but I can’t say anything. BASES is where all the special needs kids are. Some of the kids are in wheelchairs, some have Down Syndrome and then there are some like me that look normal but aren’t. Mama says it's a plus and minus situation. People don’t know that you need extra help or extra time or an aide at school but they also don’t cut you any slack. 

     Change the subject. It reminds me of a time when we went to a funeral for one of my Special Olympics friends. It was at a Catholic church and so sad because the girl’s mother was in a wheelchair and she was crying so hard and so loudly that everyone could hear her. Her daughter Jacky was only 30 years old when she died so it was really awful plus when we went downstairs for refreshments, some people came to sit with us that looked like hobos or like they had just gotten out of bed or something. Plus one of them smelled bad. They were strange and very talkative and Mama talked to them because that’s how she is when she meets someone new, friendly and polite. I miss her.

     We have our disagreements like everyone but mostly we get along. She was really mad the other day because I took my morning pills twice. I wish I hadn't because I felt really yucky afterwards. But it’s because she loves me that she is trying to make me more independent. I know that for sure. Mama still cuts my nails and puts my hair in a ponytail for me. I could do my hair myself but it just looks better when she does it. Sometimes when I am rude to Dad or I don’t want to do something, I get stubborn and refuse to apologize. That makes Mama super mad! Then she takes some time to cool off and she’s fine. I don't know why I get like that sometimes. I guess I just want to feel in control of something. Having epilepsy and a learning disorder is the worst. It sucks to be me.

     The thing is Mama and Dad met at a line dancing class. It is funny because Dad can't dance and Mama doesn't like country music so why were they there? I guess so I could be born. Or that's what Mama says. Mama believes in God and prayers and angels and being blessed. And that's what she thinks I am:  the answer to prayer, a gift from God, a blessing. And that’s how she made me feel. Like I was the best thing that ever happened to her. Dad loves me too, I know that. He says that I am his very favourite person in the whole world. But he is working most of the time so it’s usually Mama and me, or Mama and I, I should say. She really likes me to say things properly. Dad too.

    Sometimes I just don't understand how they got together. My mother was thirty seven and my Dad was forty one when they met. They had both been married before of course but it hadn't worked out and then they met and eventually had me. It's weird to think about that stuff with Mama not here. Why doesn't she call me at least? I am getting really scared. It is just not like her not to be in touch with me. I am trying not to get in Dad’s way or ask him too many questions but this does not make sense to me.